Deep Friendships and Facebook
This was too good not to share.
Tonight in small group, we talked about deep friendships, especially friendships among guys, and used the story of Jonathan and David from 1 Samuel 20 as our launching point. This is a story from David's life in which he confides in Jonathan about what he's learned of Saul, and Jonathan goes to bat for David (and risking his life in the process).
There were two things that really caught our attention (I originally had about 20 things brainstormed and five large bullet items to discuss) and occupied our time.
First, was that Jonathan got involved in David's situation instead of merely giving advice. See Jonathan's response to David's complaint:
Jonathan said to David, “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do for you.” - 1 Sam 20:4
This is not a normal response in most of our worlds, especially in 21st century white collar America. Generally, when a friend confides in us about a problem, our first response (as guys) is to give advice. In fact, if Jonathan was the typical American friend, perhaps his response to David have looked something like...
"Well, that's a tough situation, man. Here's how I would think about it... " -or- "I think what you should do is..."
Now, in a Christian small group, this response is also likely:
"That really stinks. We'll pray for you."
Fortunately for David (given that his predicament was that a crazy guy with absolute power was trying to have him killed), Jonathan a not friend that was merely going to "just give advice." Jonathan got involved. He and David devised a plan to discover the King's motives and confidentially inform David and ensure he was protected. He gutted it up and stepped up to bat on behalf of David.
He even had a spear thrown at him. There were hazards that came with this job description.
David's very life was saved because he had a friend like Jonathan. In fact, I could make a case that, in this cutthroat, dog-eat-dog, individualistic culture that we live in - we guys need (and I mean NEED) a friend like Jonathan. We need a confidant. We need a man that will get involved in our mess, and not just stand back from the sidelines and call plays.
Our culture isn't doing very well on producing this type of connection among guys, or in providing an environment to nurture this type of relational equity. Our goal-orientedness, fast-paced lives, and continual connection to technology stands in the way. We can look to Facebook (the ultimate technology go-between between us and our flesh-and-blood friends) as an indicator of how much technology is actually managing (and perhaps outsourcing) our relationships.
Let's be honest (and this is convicting) - Facebook, while being a great tool for keeping in the loop, keeping in touch, and re-connecting with friends, can be (or is) highly detrimental to developing this kind of relationship. I've heard this said about Facebook "you compare your actual life to (in Facebook) everybody's highlight reel." On Facebook, everyone's getting engaged, dating their dream girl, having kids, going to the best parties, having deep spiritual insights while you are... well, not.
It (Facebook) has a profound impact on breeding discontentment. Essentially, for most of us Facebook is a tool to manage our image; and while we are in "image management" mode we can't really be known or know others that are doing the same. If we work to maintain our image (which is actually smart when interacting on social media), then we can't *really* incubate the kind of trust, transparency, and commitment that David and Jonathan modeled because that kind of relationship cannot survive on image management.
I don't believe ditching Facebook is the answer (although I am considering taking a much needed Facebook fast), but we have to see it as a tool and understand that it has limits.
I believe that every man needs a "Jonathan" in their life, and he's not found on Facebook.
We need a friend that will jump into our messes with us, that we can trust, and will step up to bat when we need a pinch hitter.
That outcome requires that we invest and commit to relationships with fellow men that are connected with Christ, have His life flowing through them, and are through their actions sharing their life with others. I know this sounds crazy, but...
Perhaps we need to get off Facebook, step away from our iPhones, and spend some quality face time building relationships, making phone calls, and inviting others into our life. We have to let others know us... and be open to let them in as well.
These relationships - the ones of legend like Jonathan and David - require TONS of relational equity to thrive. This equity, like a healthy 401K, requires frequent deposits to make it grow... phone calls, hanging out, baseball games, conversations over beers (or Cokes), etc.
It requires time.
And like most great investments, this one pays huge dividends when we make the right bets. However, we must be intentional because our culture isn't exactly rewarding these types of things.
And let's be honest... deep down we know that we really need something like this in our life. Let's not cheat ourselves.
Tonight in small group, we talked about deep friendships, especially friendships among guys, and used the story of Jonathan and David from 1 Samuel 20 as our launching point. This is a story from David's life in which he confides in Jonathan about what he's learned of Saul, and Jonathan goes to bat for David (and risking his life in the process).
There were two things that really caught our attention (I originally had about 20 things brainstormed and five large bullet items to discuss) and occupied our time.
First, was that Jonathan got involved in David's situation instead of merely giving advice. See Jonathan's response to David's complaint:
Jonathan said to David, “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do for you.” - 1 Sam 20:4
This is not a normal response in most of our worlds, especially in 21st century white collar America. Generally, when a friend confides in us about a problem, our first response (as guys) is to give advice. In fact, if Jonathan was the typical American friend, perhaps his response to David have looked something like...
"Well, that's a tough situation, man. Here's how I would think about it... " -or- "I think what you should do is..."
Now, in a Christian small group, this response is also likely:
"That really stinks. We'll pray for you."
Fortunately for David (given that his predicament was that a crazy guy with absolute power was trying to have him killed), Jonathan a not friend that was merely going to "just give advice." Jonathan got involved. He and David devised a plan to discover the King's motives and confidentially inform David and ensure he was protected. He gutted it up and stepped up to bat on behalf of David.
He even had a spear thrown at him. There were hazards that came with this job description.
David's very life was saved because he had a friend like Jonathan. In fact, I could make a case that, in this cutthroat, dog-eat-dog, individualistic culture that we live in - we guys need (and I mean NEED) a friend like Jonathan. We need a confidant. We need a man that will get involved in our mess, and not just stand back from the sidelines and call plays.
Our culture isn't doing very well on producing this type of connection among guys, or in providing an environment to nurture this type of relational equity. Our goal-orientedness, fast-paced lives, and continual connection to technology stands in the way. We can look to Facebook (the ultimate technology go-between between us and our flesh-and-blood friends) as an indicator of how much technology is actually managing (and perhaps outsourcing) our relationships.
Let's be honest (and this is convicting) - Facebook, while being a great tool for keeping in the loop, keeping in touch, and re-connecting with friends, can be (or is) highly detrimental to developing this kind of relationship. I've heard this said about Facebook "you compare your actual life to (in Facebook) everybody's highlight reel." On Facebook, everyone's getting engaged, dating their dream girl, having kids, going to the best parties, having deep spiritual insights while you are... well, not.
It (Facebook) has a profound impact on breeding discontentment. Essentially, for most of us Facebook is a tool to manage our image; and while we are in "image management" mode we can't really be known or know others that are doing the same. If we work to maintain our image (which is actually smart when interacting on social media), then we can't *really* incubate the kind of trust, transparency, and commitment that David and Jonathan modeled because that kind of relationship cannot survive on image management.
I don't believe ditching Facebook is the answer (although I am considering taking a much needed Facebook fast), but we have to see it as a tool and understand that it has limits.
I believe that every man needs a "Jonathan" in their life, and he's not found on Facebook.
We need a friend that will jump into our messes with us, that we can trust, and will step up to bat when we need a pinch hitter.
That outcome requires that we invest and commit to relationships with fellow men that are connected with Christ, have His life flowing through them, and are through their actions sharing their life with others. I know this sounds crazy, but...
Perhaps we need to get off Facebook, step away from our iPhones, and spend some quality face time building relationships, making phone calls, and inviting others into our life. We have to let others know us... and be open to let them in as well.
These relationships - the ones of legend like Jonathan and David - require TONS of relational equity to thrive. This equity, like a healthy 401K, requires frequent deposits to make it grow... phone calls, hanging out, baseball games, conversations over beers (or Cokes), etc.
It requires time.
And like most great investments, this one pays huge dividends when we make the right bets. However, we must be intentional because our culture isn't exactly rewarding these types of things.
And let's be honest... deep down we know that we really need something like this in our life. Let's not cheat ourselves.
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