"You should hold a class"
I was actually zoning out somewhat when this suggestion was directed at me. I was out with a few friends fo queso and tacos at a nearby taqueria, awaiting the Smyrna fireworks show.
My friend, a female, was talking about her experience with a guy that she's gone out with about three times now. And then...
"You know, you really should hold a class for guys"
Of course, I was now paying attention and ready to tell my friend how unqualified I am to talk to anyone about dating. (aka - you really should find a married guy to talk to us single knuckleheads about how to relate to women). Then, she said something to the tune of...
"Oh no, that's not what I mean. I'm talking about guys having a plan."
And she didn't mean having a plan for their life... or having anything figured out... she just meant that she wanted the guy to actually plan the date.
Apparently (I'm hoping this guy doesn't read this, honestly), this guy whom she was set up with set up the first date by asking what there was to do around her neighborhood... asking questions to her to the tune of "what sounds good to you?" I think she gave into this on date #1 because he didn't know the neighborhood, but the same song and dance happened for date #2, and date #3 which (resulted, or is resulting?) in her having to clean her house and cook him brunch.
From the expression of my friend, and some of the other girls at the table, they weren't impressed with "I don't care... what do you want to do?" guy. Apparently, hers isn't the only female experience like this.
I honestly don't know where I got this reputation, or if I don't and I just happened to be a guy at the table to vent to... but I think it goes without saying that if a guy succeeds in getting a girl to say "yes" to a date, that indecisiveness is not an attractive quality once the wheels are in motion.
So, from experience (what limited that I have) and for encouragement, let me share a few encouragements and resources when it comes to planning dates.
First, three encouragements:
FIRST: The girl did say yes to you, and she wants to get to know you. She gave up any plans for that night to spend time with you. So by all means, you have no reason not to be confident in planning an evening's fun.
SECOND: I have actually learned that if a girl is into you, that she will be more impressed that you took the initiative to plan and invited her into your world vs. her getting "what she wants to do." There appears to be something really attractive about being intentional and leading. I don't recommend this date unless you're in a relationship, but one example I laugh about is that I planned one evening in with a girlfriend to watch Zoolander, and was told after the fact how stupid she thought it was. However, she also told me that she enjoyed the evening. If you lead, she will appreciate it. Honestly, there isn't "that" much pressure if she likes you to come up with an amazing plan every time (case in point).
THIRD: In fact, presenting to the girl an experience that you know you'll love (and you think she might) is an expression of intimacy (a clever way of describing "intimacy" that's stuck with me is to look "in to see me"). Are you giving her that opportunity to enter into your world, or are you just trying to give her a sales pitch? Seriously, in the first three dates do something you want to do. Chances are, she does want to see the real you... will you let her? By the way - who you are is awesome. God made you and he does a great job at everything He does - so let her see that.
Second, three resources:
I know that some guys have "standard" first/second dates. I don't take that approach, partly because I'm not a "routine person" and partly because I don't really want to share my first date experience with my wife with another girl, so I rarely if ever repeat on a first date plan. Being a amateur blog writer and a marketing professional, you would expect that I'd at least be somewhat creative and I try. But - I do have some resources that I routinely use:
1.) Restaurants: Yelp is my favorite website for evaluating new restaurants and getting a feel based on user reviews as to what the experience will be. I have used Yelp to plan dinner club outings and dates (and yes, I have used a date as an excuse to try out a new restaurant... I am somewhat of a foodie and love trying out new restaurants). UrbanSpoon is also a good website and I will reference them as well (they have a great phone app too). For making reservations, OpenTable is a great site and you get points for reservations that you can use for future dinners.
2.) Experiences: For Atlanta folks, 365 Atlanta (formerly 365 things to do around Atlanta) is a great blog that highlights cool things to do around town. Depending on what type of activities you enjoy, you can follow those blogs (such as concert schedules or Team Trivia dates - if you like trivia). I will also, partly because I'm a baseball junkie, have an eye on the Atlanta Braves home schedule. I know that baseball isn't a "standard" date, but remember what I said above.
3.) Unique things about your city: This is probably true of you because it's true of me... there's probably a number of very cool, visitor-friendly things to do around your city that people travel to see that you've never set foot within. Atlanta has a number of these, and also a lot of cool cultural and outdoorsy sites that aren't part of the daily "things that people who live here do" routine (I've found some really neat short hikes in the city this way). So, acting like a tourist in your own city is a great date idea. Since I live in Atlanta - here's the tourist guide to my city. There's a lot of great things to do in here.
I make it sound like I've dated a lot - and honestly lately I have not, so I'm not sure how much quality there is to any of this (so take it with a grain of salt) :-) But in those seasons where God had blessed me in that area of my life, these are the things I think about and the resources I use. As you get to know the girl (and she lets you look "in to see me") you'll know how to plan dates based on what will get her to go "wow" without having to prod too much. When you're just getting to know, be encouraged that there's not really that much pressure to get the plan right - and that can help when you're making a plan.
I'm also curious if there are other cultural and "top things to do" sites out there, so please feel free and comment. Sometimes, as you know, our experience set is narrowed to what we experience so outside influences is always good :-)
My friend, a female, was talking about her experience with a guy that she's gone out with about three times now. And then...
"You know, you really should hold a class for guys"
Of course, I was now paying attention and ready to tell my friend how unqualified I am to talk to anyone about dating. (aka - you really should find a married guy to talk to us single knuckleheads about how to relate to women). Then, she said something to the tune of...
"Oh no, that's not what I mean. I'm talking about guys having a plan."
And she didn't mean having a plan for their life... or having anything figured out... she just meant that she wanted the guy to actually plan the date.
Apparently (I'm hoping this guy doesn't read this, honestly), this guy whom she was set up with set up the first date by asking what there was to do around her neighborhood... asking questions to her to the tune of "what sounds good to you?" I think she gave into this on date #1 because he didn't know the neighborhood, but the same song and dance happened for date #2, and date #3 which (resulted, or is resulting?) in her having to clean her house and cook him brunch.
From the expression of my friend, and some of the other girls at the table, they weren't impressed with "I don't care... what do you want to do?" guy. Apparently, hers isn't the only female experience like this.
I honestly don't know where I got this reputation, or if I don't and I just happened to be a guy at the table to vent to... but I think it goes without saying that if a guy succeeds in getting a girl to say "yes" to a date, that indecisiveness is not an attractive quality once the wheels are in motion.
So, from experience (what limited that I have) and for encouragement, let me share a few encouragements and resources when it comes to planning dates.
First, three encouragements:
FIRST: The girl did say yes to you, and she wants to get to know you. She gave up any plans for that night to spend time with you. So by all means, you have no reason not to be confident in planning an evening's fun.
SECOND: I have actually learned that if a girl is into you, that she will be more impressed that you took the initiative to plan and invited her into your world vs. her getting "what she wants to do." There appears to be something really attractive about being intentional and leading. I don't recommend this date unless you're in a relationship, but one example I laugh about is that I planned one evening in with a girlfriend to watch Zoolander, and was told after the fact how stupid she thought it was. However, she also told me that she enjoyed the evening. If you lead, she will appreciate it. Honestly, there isn't "that" much pressure if she likes you to come up with an amazing plan every time (case in point).
THIRD: In fact, presenting to the girl an experience that you know you'll love (and you think she might) is an expression of intimacy (a clever way of describing "intimacy" that's stuck with me is to look "in to see me"). Are you giving her that opportunity to enter into your world, or are you just trying to give her a sales pitch? Seriously, in the first three dates do something you want to do. Chances are, she does want to see the real you... will you let her? By the way - who you are is awesome. God made you and he does a great job at everything He does - so let her see that.
Second, three resources:
I know that some guys have "standard" first/second dates. I don't take that approach, partly because I'm not a "routine person" and partly because I don't really want to share my first date experience with my wife with another girl, so I rarely if ever repeat on a first date plan. Being a amateur blog writer and a marketing professional, you would expect that I'd at least be somewhat creative and I try. But - I do have some resources that I routinely use:
1.) Restaurants: Yelp is my favorite website for evaluating new restaurants and getting a feel based on user reviews as to what the experience will be. I have used Yelp to plan dinner club outings and dates (and yes, I have used a date as an excuse to try out a new restaurant... I am somewhat of a foodie and love trying out new restaurants). UrbanSpoon is also a good website and I will reference them as well (they have a great phone app too). For making reservations, OpenTable is a great site and you get points for reservations that you can use for future dinners.
2.) Experiences: For Atlanta folks, 365 Atlanta (formerly 365 things to do around Atlanta) is a great blog that highlights cool things to do around town. Depending on what type of activities you enjoy, you can follow those blogs (such as concert schedules or Team Trivia dates - if you like trivia). I will also, partly because I'm a baseball junkie, have an eye on the Atlanta Braves home schedule. I know that baseball isn't a "standard" date, but remember what I said above.
3.) Unique things about your city: This is probably true of you because it's true of me... there's probably a number of very cool, visitor-friendly things to do around your city that people travel to see that you've never set foot within. Atlanta has a number of these, and also a lot of cool cultural and outdoorsy sites that aren't part of the daily "things that people who live here do" routine (I've found some really neat short hikes in the city this way). So, acting like a tourist in your own city is a great date idea. Since I live in Atlanta - here's the tourist guide to my city. There's a lot of great things to do in here.
I make it sound like I've dated a lot - and honestly lately I have not, so I'm not sure how much quality there is to any of this (so take it with a grain of salt) :-) But in those seasons where God had blessed me in that area of my life, these are the things I think about and the resources I use. As you get to know the girl (and she lets you look "in to see me") you'll know how to plan dates based on what will get her to go "wow" without having to prod too much. When you're just getting to know, be encouraged that there's not really that much pressure to get the plan right - and that can help when you're making a plan.
I'm also curious if there are other cultural and "top things to do" sites out there, so please feel free and comment. Sometimes, as you know, our experience set is narrowed to what we experience so outside influences is always good :-)
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