What's your type?
Over the past couple of months, I have had a bunch of conversations with friends about what our "type" is...
You know, what type of girl (or guy in the case of the girls I talked to) attracts you? What type of person makes you stop and say.... (cue the Keaneu Reeves from Bill & Ted's)... Whoa!
If I were an alien coming down to observe humanity and spent any time observing singles, I think I would scratch my head at how different humans will look at certain members of the opposite sex and say "Whoa!" while others of us would look at that exact same HOT person and say "Yeah, she's attractive, but I'm just not attracted to her." I think the aliens would look at this apparently, uber-pickiness we have and conclude "No wonder they're all still single!" (as if our parents and married friends don't)
I wonder (and have wondered aloud in these conversations), are our "types" something that we constructed for ourselves based on past experiences or is it something that God gave to us? While I'm bringing God into this conversation, if God hardwired our attractions, why did he do it? I could make a case that He did, since he did craft us together like a masterpiece as we were in our mom's belly (Psalm 139). But then again, I have met several married people that have told me (about their current spouses they are happily married to) that they originally discounted this person because they weren't "their type."
Do you see how confusing this is? Of course, they may not have known their real type if it's a God-fingerprint on our lives. But we have... preferences, and we also have requirements... and as we know when we put preferences and requirements into our selection criteria, it tends to limit our options. Somehow, in our culture, we see this as a bad thing... we like options, right?
So... don't take this as gospel, this is just my opinion (and as most of you know only God's opinion is actually fact), but I think that limiting our options is a great thing. Think about it, what happens when you are at the Cheesecake Factory and you see a kajillion items on the menu... you freak out and spend several minutes pouring over the menu because there are SO MANY THINGS that look so good! On the contrary, when you are at In-N-Out burger, you go in and order your double-double animal style with fries immediately because you know what you want and you've done a great job of limiting your options.
Obviously, choosing a spouse is much different than deciding what to eat at a restaurant, but given that in our social interactions we meet so many people that we COULD date that without a self-selecting mechanism we would run into analysis paralysis, no one would get asked out or accept a date out of FOMO, and the whole human race would "not date" itself into extinction. This is ridiculous of course, but if we go after everything, at the end of the day don't we often end up with nothing?
This is also my opinion, but it's sort of well thought out and based on my limited experience, but I believe that God has somehow orchestrated and wired us with certain attractions because He wants to give us something amazing and He wants us to trust Him. I believe that God wants us to be excited about our marriages and pouring (guys) into our wives with all of the energy and passion we have. Obviously, attraction is a huge piece of that and we can't discount it. Read Song of Solomon... GOD is about PASSION and ROMANCE and it's GOOD. At the end of the day, a life that glorifies God is one where we are relying on Him, and perhaps in the area of our relationships our attraction-bent is a way to do that, especially in seasons where our world is void of people that make us go "Whoa!"
Finally, we aren't just animals just looking for a body to mate with... we are soul-creatures with the relational imprint of God himself on our very identity. In that light, doesn't it make sense that our sense of attraction type would bear God's relational imprint on our life as well?
For example, as I look through my life and think about my type (based on past relationships too), here are the things that tend to be consistent about the girls that have most attracted me:
You know, what type of girl (or guy in the case of the girls I talked to) attracts you? What type of person makes you stop and say.... (cue the Keaneu Reeves from Bill & Ted's)... Whoa!
If I were an alien coming down to observe humanity and spent any time observing singles, I think I would scratch my head at how different humans will look at certain members of the opposite sex and say "Whoa!" while others of us would look at that exact same HOT person and say "Yeah, she's attractive, but I'm just not attracted to her." I think the aliens would look at this apparently, uber-pickiness we have and conclude "No wonder they're all still single!" (as if our parents and married friends don't)
I wonder (and have wondered aloud in these conversations), are our "types" something that we constructed for ourselves based on past experiences or is it something that God gave to us? While I'm bringing God into this conversation, if God hardwired our attractions, why did he do it? I could make a case that He did, since he did craft us together like a masterpiece as we were in our mom's belly (Psalm 139). But then again, I have met several married people that have told me (about their current spouses they are happily married to) that they originally discounted this person because they weren't "their type."
Do you see how confusing this is? Of course, they may not have known their real type if it's a God-fingerprint on our lives. But we have... preferences, and we also have requirements... and as we know when we put preferences and requirements into our selection criteria, it tends to limit our options. Somehow, in our culture, we see this as a bad thing... we like options, right?
So... don't take this as gospel, this is just my opinion (and as most of you know only God's opinion is actually fact), but I think that limiting our options is a great thing. Think about it, what happens when you are at the Cheesecake Factory and you see a kajillion items on the menu... you freak out and spend several minutes pouring over the menu because there are SO MANY THINGS that look so good! On the contrary, when you are at In-N-Out burger, you go in and order your double-double animal style with fries immediately because you know what you want and you've done a great job of limiting your options.
Obviously, choosing a spouse is much different than deciding what to eat at a restaurant, but given that in our social interactions we meet so many people that we COULD date that without a self-selecting mechanism we would run into analysis paralysis, no one would get asked out or accept a date out of FOMO, and the whole human race would "not date" itself into extinction. This is ridiculous of course, but if we go after everything, at the end of the day don't we often end up with nothing?
This is also my opinion, but it's sort of well thought out and based on my limited experience, but I believe that God has somehow orchestrated and wired us with certain attractions because He wants to give us something amazing and He wants us to trust Him. I believe that God wants us to be excited about our marriages and pouring (guys) into our wives with all of the energy and passion we have. Obviously, attraction is a huge piece of that and we can't discount it. Read Song of Solomon... GOD is about PASSION and ROMANCE and it's GOOD. At the end of the day, a life that glorifies God is one where we are relying on Him, and perhaps in the area of our relationships our attraction-bent is a way to do that, especially in seasons where our world is void of people that make us go "Whoa!"
Finally, we aren't just animals just looking for a body to mate with... we are soul-creatures with the relational imprint of God himself on our very identity. In that light, doesn't it make sense that our sense of attraction type would bear God's relational imprint on our life as well?
For example, as I look through my life and think about my type (based on past relationships too), here are the things that tend to be consistent about the girls that have most attracted me:
- It's hard to describe, but they all have a "cute" look (in my world, fair skin, blue/green eyes, some freckles, a modest "no frills" but definitely "girly" way of presenting herself, and a little bit of a sing-songy tone to their voice).
- She openly and emotionally loves Jesus... "all out" worship attracts me a ton.
- There's a pretty good chance that a sappy Country song will be "our song" This has happened in all but one relationship that went longer than 2 months. Oh yeah, if I'm attracted to a girl there's a good chance she likes Country music a lot... it's just a fact.
- Grew up in a small town and has that "awww shucks" type of demeanor; and while she lives in the city but don't act like "city folk."
- Loves to be outdoors.
- Introverted and has a tight crew of close girlfriends.
- And she's pretty snarky but you don't get to see it until she gets to know you.
Now, if I met the girl I described, I'd be all in... but I know some guys that wouldn't give that girl a second look (and I'm glad... I need the field to be narrowed too, ya know). They like that fashionista, size 2, city chick that goes out to dance clubs every weekend... I wouldn't give that girl a second look. Not my type. But sometimes, at the advice of others I do try to meet people outside my type, and sometimes it confirms what I know I want and other times it has helped me see something that I haven't seen before, and I think that's a good thing too.
So, what's the whole point of this blog (other than Chris telling his friends who to introduce him to ;-) lol)? Well, it's some food for thought, and some encouragement to really pray about the girl that you have in your mind... ask Him:
- Is this your will for my life or am I envisioning some "perfect girl" (or girls, perfect guy) in my mind that is keeping me from having great relationships? (because... our "types" can become an idol, and the casualty of that idolatry can be the girl that we are dating)
- For patience to actively wait on Him in mine and your season of singleness.
- For the faith to know that God has an amazing plan for our life, and for most of us this includes a partner in life that will blow our mind.
And finally, thank Him for how He's blessed you. Besides, gratefulness is very sexy.
Along with cheesy country songs. Yes, I still believe in romance.
Comments