Airportopolis

Airportopolis – A Place on Everybody’s Must-Visit List!

This week traveling for business, I looked forward to spending a week in a new city, getting to explore some of the unique areas of Pittsburgh during one or more of our evenings. I had a conversation with someone before I left earlier this week to get the skinny on some of the cool things to do and see here, and had a few things on my list for this week.

But for whatever reason… partly workload, partly a not-as-ambitious-as-I’d-hope-for traveling team, partly the “bug” going around to some teammates… I didn’t get a chance to check Pittsburgh out… again.

I’ve been in the outskirts of the Steel City twice before, each time being relegated to the outskirts of town because of where our clients were located and them being very quick trips. The location of this client, and hence where we stayed, is a place I will affectionately term as “Airportopolis.”

Airportopolis (n) 1. Any small pseudo-city that artificially pops up near a large city’s airport; especially an airport located in “beyond far Egypt” for that city. This pseudo city supports its own business, quasi-cuisine, and pseudo-residential structures. 2. Examples of Airportopolis “cities” can be found in Denver, CO, Pittsburgh, PA (As I have found out), Seattle, WA, and San Francisco, CA… to name a few. 3. The common denominator that characterizes Airportopolis is proximity to the airport and predictability of the social and cultural landscape.

Let me take you through a tour of Airportopolis … as I am now an astute traveler here.

The residential communities are largely made up of transient, almost migrant individuals that in social circles find themselves in two groups. In the upper and middle class are those known as “business travelers” – who are there with laptops nearby and generally found dressed in business casual with their Crackberry within reach at all times. These residents can be found living in places such as the Hills of Hilton, the Marriott Gardens, or the Shadows of Sheraton. The less affluent members of this caste (defined by their expense account, not their actual incomes) can be found shacking out at the Courtyard Commons, the Hamptons, or the Amerisuites Annex.

In the lower class are the airline castoffs that got delayed, cancelled, or bumped off of flights. These are the dregs because they have no corporate expense account, so they go to the hotel that their master airline assigns to them… perhaps the Holiday Inn Express, a motel with a number in the name (Motel 6, Super 8, etc.), whatever. In today’s Airportopolis economy, these folks are most likely to be the victims of United Airlines and/or US (Sc)Airways.

An important part of any city is the quality of the dining scene, and Airportopolis is no exception. The culinary scene in this exquisite destination can be defined as “Culcina Generica” - and this name represents the restaurant scene of Airportopolis very well. You can find, in just about any Airportopolis, such nationally famous establishments as The Olive Garden, TGI Fridays, Applebees, Panera Bread, and occasionally a well known chain to the Airportopolis host city… in the case of Pittsburgh the Quaker Steak and Lube (This is the actual name of a restaurant… I am not making this up). A recent personal review of the TGI Fridays… “I loved the new three-course menu at this restaurant. The mixture of an Oreo cake, shrimp and chicken pasta, and white chicken chili was just what this middle-class business nomad asked for. I hope that no one else, especially any other restaurants bearing the TGI Fridays name, catch this idea. It could utterly destroy the uniqueness of this amazing Airportopolis establishment. I especially liked the flair on the wait staff that assisted us… another unique idea.”

Now, if you are “poor” and don’t have the luxury of a corporate expense account but only have $7/meal-or-less from your friendly-neighborhood United Airlines, there are also nationally famous restaurants that can help you fit your budget… the ever famous Scottish restaurant known as McDonalds, the Wendy’s diner, new American regional cuisine such as Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Mexican flair of Taco B’uell, and French food from Bu’guer King. See, you can make an enjoyable trip to Airportopolis… even on a tight budget!

The entertainment… endless! Cable TV in every hotel room and the ever-exciting hotel bar scene. I imagine that in the Airportopolis mayoral elections, the mantra on the TV ads that end with “I am Herb Kelleher, and I approve of this message” is… A FULL BAR IN EVERY HOTEL, AND WI-FI IN EVERY HOTEL ROOM.”

And finally, the downtown district of Airportopolis is a walking district filled with seat-lined terminals… great for people watching. Unfortunately, the food prices at their Culcina Generica district are overpriced, as a cartel known as HMS Host (at least this is the cartel running Hartsfield Airport in Atlanta) owns all of the restaurants and jacks up all of the prices. I’d revolt… if I could… starting with a picket sign in the Pittsburgh Airportopolis Airport Downtown saying “Bring Back Starbucks!”

That’s my week… and your tour of this fantastic tourist haven. You can book your travel TODAY on Travelocity.com. Enjoy your trip!

Comments

parkcities said…
If it were Scottish wouldn't it be "MacDonalds?"

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